I’ve spent a majority of my life wanting ‘new’.

Big city dreams have always been a part of my plan, and now I’m here, in Chicago, surrounded by new.

It took me half and hour to find breakfast the other day. You’d think in a city this big, breakfast wouldn’t be had to come by. I walked for blocks looking for somewhere to eat and finally I settled for Starbucks. Chicago has new tastes and cuisines I’ve never experienced and I end up having breakfast at the biggest coffee corporation in the world.

Everything is new.

I hauled everything I own into my dorm but it feels no where like home. It feels new.

I’m living with someone new. Someone who sleeps until noon and speaks spanish under her breath when she can’t think of the right word. She’s from Peru. She says she misses the sounds of her home town. It’s cozy there, she says. One night she heard something unfamiliar and got scared. It was the wood frame of her bed creaking. People in Peru don’t have wood in their homes; it’s too humid.

I’m surrounded by new.

Today I went to Walgreens looking for shampoo. I paced back and fourth through the aisles on the phone with my mom. She tried to calm me down as I sobbed. I didn’t have anyone to go to breakfast with me this morning. Making friends is hard for me.

This is all I’ve ever wanted but I can’t seem to find the courage to even leave my room.

I forget that this isn’t high school. I’m on my own schedule. I can leave the building anytime I want. I can dress any way I want. Everyone is here because they want to be.

And just like that, I have a revelation, right in the middle of this post. Change is scary. You never know what’s going to happen and nothing is certain; except one thing: you will be okay.

As Barney Stinson on How I met Your Mother says: New is always better.

There is ‘new’ everywhere I look.

I am new.


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